she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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