if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
