He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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