sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
