i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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