sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You are a genius and a whore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
