I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
