What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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