You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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