In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
