We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
