How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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