i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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