Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
