wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
