Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
now i know why i became what i already was.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
