when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
