The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
