I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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