Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
