ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
3pm strippers are depressing
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
