508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
