i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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