Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
