I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
