If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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