Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
