Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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