dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
