Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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