I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
