she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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