can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
