I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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