How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
