That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
