I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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