2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
