party gras won. party gras always wins.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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