When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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