I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
