My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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