scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
