would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
