I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
