At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Terrible idea I love it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
