Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
