Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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