Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
