is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
