He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
